Coming Down

I'm back in Dublin after the tour - actually, I arrived yesterday afternoon. It's only now that I'm feeling capable of discussing it in a semi-rational manner. I'm planning to go back and retroactively fill in the days of the tour, so keep an eye out for them next week.

My main reason for going on this tour was to find out what it's like compared to travelling on my own. What's the verdict? Well, it had its positives and negatives - I don't think I'm quite prepared to come down on either side just yet, I'll just go through what comes to me.

The biggest positive was that I was surrounded by 16 other people every day, everywhere, with no hope of escape.

The biggest negative was that I was surrounded by 16 other people every day, everywhere, with no hope of escape.

Now, I'm a bit of a loner at the best of times. If there's one thing I enjoy more than anything it's solitude with a backing soundtrack (translation: I love listening and playing music by myself). I realise this is not the healthiest way of living my life, so I've been doing my best to get out of my shell - which is one of the major reasons I decided to do this trip.

I'm not a 'go out at night' person, at all. When the darkness arrives, I much prefer to head inside to escape the scary night than hit the party circuit. This was the first demon I had to overcome as every night, without fail, all 17 of us would head off to eat, drink and have fun. It helped that I always had someone around to talk to - normally, I end up sitting on my own staring into my drink, become embarrassed and head back to the hostel.

Enough of the personal introspection, how about the tour itself? Well, I'm very glad I actually saw Ireland on a tour as most of the places we visited would have been incredibly inconvenient to travel to on my own. When I started out I had no idea of the places I was going to see, I just wanted an easy way of getting around to the important sights. This was a massive positive in itself.

The only downside to this way of travelling are the timelines: it's a constant barrage of 'we need to be out by this time', so I did feel a bit of pressure to hurry around most places so I didn't always feel I saw everything I wanted to the extent I preferred. When I'm on my own, this is never a problem.

This also ties in to another feeling I had about the tour sometimes: occasionally, it felt like we were rushing around from town to town in order to make it to the next party, rather than actually seeing the country. But then again, part of me says that the craic is a huge part of Irish culture, so it really was a significant part of the tour. Considering I had a great time almost every night, I'm not going to fuss over this much.

But now I'm back in Dublin, alone again. It's funny - yesterday afternoon when we were pulling in to park, I couldn't wait to get away from everyone and just spend some time alone. It was only an hour later I was having severe withdrawals from being on my own, craving someone to interact with.

Today I spent the day sight-seeing. I took a ride on another round-the-city buses, hopping off occasionally to take a closer peek at various places. After the last 10 days, it felt quite empty though. I even started to become a bit defensive toward myself, my inner monologue arguing back and forth about spending my last few days in Ireland seeing the proper sights versus seeing the things I wanted to see (in this case, one of Dublin's largest book stores).

In the end, I won and I spent an hour browsing the shelves - and bought something to read on the way home. On the way back to the hostel I was justifying my feelings to myself in all sorts of way, and the best way I could express it is that I like what I like - if you don't like this, then go to hell. I was actually a bit angry on the way back until something unlikely occurred - I ran into Simone and Evie, who were on the tour with me. After we talked about what we've done since the tour ended, I felt a lot calmer and happier with my choices.

I've never been a party animal, I'm not a big drinker, I am quite shy and it can take a frustrating amount of time for me to open up to someone enough for me to feel comfortable conversing with them. But you know what? That's me, that's who I am. I'm trying my best to overcome my shortcomings, but I'm feeling less and less like I need to justify who I am to anyone any more.

So would I do a big tour like this one again? Hmmm, probably. It was physically and emotionally draining at times (let's not talk financially, I may start to cry), but it was an eye-opening experience and, I feel, definitely the best way of seeing Ireland. I'd hate to think of what I would've missed if I'd gone it on my own.

I'm heading back to London on the bus early Saturday morning, I'll be back some time at night. My original plans of heading back through Cork and Swansea have been scuppered, but I'm feeling way too tired to anything anyway so I'm going to head back and recharge for a while. I'm thinking I might hit the continent next. I haven't been hit by a truck yet, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually.

Oh wait, I haven't explained that metaphor yet...