Unscheduled Downtime

It's been a week, but I'm almost back to full capacity. My little bug ended up being a full-blown cold, so I've been holed up in the corner of Lee and Margaret's place with a runny nose and a box of tissues, trying my best not to annoy my extremely gracious hosts (and their guests).

I'd already been warned that this week was going to be a busy one in the flat and it would be inconvenient for me to be here, so I felt guilty as hell when my one or two days turned out to be a week. I'm going to feel even worse if anyone else ends up catching what I had - I'm already apologising profusely if I see anyone sneezing or blowing their nose.

Scaling back the clock a bit, on Saturday night we took in a musical. While I was away in Cardiff, I "borrowed" a book at one of the hostels called Wicked - the real story of the Witches of Oz. I enjoyed it a lot, so I was quite interested in seeing the musical (which was based on the book).

The show itself was quite enjoyable, with some spectacular sets and a great cast, including Nigel Planer as the Wizard of Oz and Miriam Margolyes as Madame Morrible (whose last night it was). There were huge liberties taken with the original story, but overall it was quite fun. I definitely think there's a certain mindset you need to be in to truly enjoy these kinds of musical though - by this time, though, my mind was far more concerned with how to stop my nose from running.

Nothing much of interest happened during the week, spending most of my time indoors feeling quite unwell. It's done wonders for my daily spending average, at least.

Tonight, on the other hand, was the reason I had to be back in London by, well, tonight. A few days after I arrived here, I found out Kevin Smith was doing a couple of Q&A sessions in London. When I mentioned it to Lee and Margaret, it was quickly decided we were going.

As a long term fan of Kevin Smith (I blame him and thank him for getting me fired from my post-high school job, working in a 24 hour petrol station), I was lucky enough to have caught one of his shows last year when he made his first trip to Australia, pimping Clerks 2. I liked it enough to want to go again.

The show got off to a blue beginning as one of the girls further back in the line was beckoned to the mic; first, to hear her sex talk in a British accent, and then to be probed about her proclivities in the anal department. Kevin is fascinated by the accent and is, apparently, quite keen to see some British porn - even asking couples in the audience if they'd be willing to go at it if he could just listen in. At least one couple raised their hands - and I'm almost certain they would've done it, too.

My memory has never been spectacular, so I've already forgotten a lot of the stories he told, but one that clearly sticks in my mind as the highlight of the night involved his dogs Mulder, Scully and Shecky. He began explaining how he came to own each one: Scully, the first, being a test of he and his wife's parenting skills; Mulder, as a cure to the rampant stupidity of Scully caused by excessive in-breeding; and, finally, Shecky, a miniature dachshund that was purchased by Kevin and his daughter, apparently, just to make fun of.

What began as an endearing tale of dog ownership quickly turned into a fascinating and disturbingly lurid tale of canine debauchery, perpetrated by the least likely of the Smith animal clan - I'm not sure I'm going to be able to look at dachshunds ever again the same way.

One very pleasant surprise came part-way through the show as Kevin's little girl, Harley, suddenly appeared on-stage to give her dad a massive hug - apparently, she missed him while she was out so her mum brought her by to see him (and wow, his wife is absolutely stunning in the flesh). Without skipping a beat, Kevin started proxying questions to his girl, such as what her favourite dinosaur was - a question already asked of Kevin earlier (she didn't know). She then took up the seat set up on the stage for a little while before heading off with her mum.

When I found out about the Q&As in London, it did strike me as being a little random as to why he was doing them at this time. As it turns out, the Smiths were in London so Harley could visit her best friend who is staying over here - who just happens to be Johnny Depp's daughter. He figured that, while he was over here, he might as well do something useful as opposed to sitting in his hotel room watching British porn.

The only other highlights I can remember:

- A final follow-up to the 3AM Girls incident, where one of said girls displayed her true hypocrisy by asking Kevin if he ever considered his comments might actually be hurtful to the people he's roasting.

- A very detailed description of just how much he disliked Superman Returns, including an explanation of the movie's most glaring plot hole, before declaring Superman both an emo and a rapist.

- The horror script isn't written yet, but is planned to be more visual and less dialogue dependant than his usual movies. He also cited Race With the Devil as a contemporary for his idea. And it will have gore.

- His new comedy script is finished, or close to it.

- Clerks: Sell Out has been put off due to The Weinstein Company's reluctance to fork out for the rights from Miramax. Instead, a new animated movie idea is on the burner.

Tonight's show was much shorter than the one I saw in Melbourne, which went on well past midnight but did also include a screening of Clerks 2. Tonight was wrapped up at 11pm. I think I enjoyed this show a little better as there were far fewer idiots asking stupid questions and taking too long at the mic (although tonight wasn't free of this either).

Unfortunately, I pussied out again and didn't get up to ask a question (and I had a good one this time), but as it turns out I wouldn't have had the chance anyway as there were still plenty of people lining up when the night was wrapped. Maybe next time.

Back to reality, Kylie is taking me to Brighton this weekend so I can see the English seaside. I'm looking forward to it a lot, and not just for the day out.

I've also been contacted by a German magazine to ask for permission to use one of my photos in one of their upcoming issues. My first thought was that I haven't posted any photos that a German magazine might be interested in, but when they got back to me to tell me which one they wanted it all became a lot clearer.

Pretty happy with the offer: no cash (this time), but not only do they print my photo but also a portrait of me as well as a description I get to write. The last time I was featured in a magazine was when I was co-editor of the Celluloid Superheroes mag I worked on, so it's good to be back in the printed media.

Finally, just in case anyone reads this for the Kevin Smith coverage: his favourite dinosaur is the velociraptor because it can open doors.