I've Changed My Mind

You know what? Yesterday I said I wouldn't start on that Simpsons cartoon thing. Forget it, I'm going to mention it anyway because someone far more eloquent, intelligent and with a lot more personal experience in these matters has commented on it.

You can read his entire blog post about it, but if you don't have the patience (or you're sick enough in the fucking head to actually agree with this idiotic judgment), I'll quote my favourite part:

"The ability to distinguish between fiction and reality is, I think, an important indicator of sanity, perhaps the most important. And it looks like the Australian legal system has failed on that score." - Neil Gaiman

This judgment needs to be struck down. It needs wiping out. It needs eradicating and the fools who upheld it need to be thrown away and disposed of. These people are beyond being out of touch with reality, they appear to be living in some dangerous and crazy fantasy land - and these are the people responsible for our laws!?!

Once again, I'm red-faced with embarrassment for the stupidity that keeps coming from my home. I want it to stop, desperately.

Please. Please. Please. Australia. Stop being so fucking stupid. PLEASE!!

Dear Australian Government

Hi guys.

I know I'm an ex-pat and all, but I still consider myself an Aussie down to the core. Just ask all my friends over here, they won't stop giving me shit about it for a minute - but don't worry, in time honored tradition I do everything in my power to give it back to them.

Here's a tip: if they ever mention the rugby or the Olympic scores, just sit back and say two words. Five. Nil. Then giggle as the excuses start to flow about how the cricket doesn't really matter.

I was really glad to see John go last year. To be fair, he was a bit of a cock and, quite often, he made me feel terribly embarrassed to be Australian. I was in Berlin the night I heard he was voted out and, to celebrate, myself and a bunch of other likeminded Aussies hit the city to celebrate.

We had a great time, by the way.

It wasn't just the news that the sickening old coot had gone, it was also the promise that future news emanating from my country might not cause me to hang my head and cringe - and often apologise for the sickening display of racism, bigotry or other glossed over hate speech that has plagued us over the past couple of decades.

You know how America is currently glowing over its recent election results? I kinda had the same feeling.

The thing is, lately I've been hearing some pretty disturbing stories coming from back home and, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure much has really changed.

Now, I work in the IT industry so I may have a bit of a vested interest, but... c'mon, just give up on the filtering thing. Censorship in any form doesn't work: it hasn't worked in the past, it won't work in the future - stop chasing after the god squad senators you need to pander to in order to pass legislation. Besides, isn't blackmail a criminal offence?

Don't you remember those days when, thanks to the inane, clueless and entirely out of touch actions of Richard Alston, Australia was declared the Global Village Idiot? Isn't it enough to be finally rid of this fool who, as Technology Minister, so breathtakingly misunderstood the Internet that he merely brushed it aside as a breeding ground for terrorists and paedophiles? Remember, this was our Minister for Communications and Information Technology.

And you want to go and do it all again?!?

I thought those days were behind me, but I once again had to hang my head in embarrassment when I heard about this. Oh, don't worry, the UK has had its own little brush with nonsensical censorship in the past couple of days, but that's a drop in the ocean compared to what you're trying to do.

Right now, I'm feeling pretty happy I'm not donating my tax dollars toward your latest waste of government funds and, if things keep going this way, I might just have to stick around over here until you finally come to your senses. Here's hoping the rest of the country will have something to say about it, too (but I'm not holding my breath).

Oh, and don't get me started on the news I heard today about that Simpsons drawing.

Are you deliberately trying to make us look like a bunch of backward hicks in the eyes of the world? Seriously? I mean, you were doing a pretty damn fine job of it while John was in power, but from everything I've heard so far nothing has actually changed a bit. If anything, it's getting worse!

Please. Please. Please. Dear Australian Government. Stop being so fucking stupid. Please.

Yours sincerely,
A concerned citizen

Everything Hurts - But I Wouldn't Change A Thing

Last night was the best gig I've seen all year. For the first time in almost 15 years, the original lineup of Ned's Atomic Dustbin reformed and played for 90 amazing minutes - and I was there, front and centre as another screaming voice in the 1600-strong pogoing army.

It was a bit weird at first, to be honest. Since they reformed in 2000, two of the original members declined to take part so a new guitarist and bass player were recruited. This was the lineup I saw twice last year, so seeing two different guys up on stage this time almost felt wrong. This didn't last long: within moments of the first notes you could see the special bond these five guys had all those years ago and were reliving again, making the entire night all that more special.

Even better, I got to see vile evils again before and, once again, they refused to disappoint. More focused, tighter and with a far, far better sound (and a more active crowed helped), this is easily the best I've seen these guys play. Next year they're releasing their debut album and embarking on their own UK tour, so I'm eager to catch a full length show.

As wonderful as the gig was, it was made even better by the multitude of friends I was able to catch up with there. When I arrived here just over a year and a half ago I left behind my family, my friends, my cat - an entire life I'd built up over 30 years. Thankfully, I still had some friends over here to help me get on my feet, but it was still an uphill struggle to find where I fit in this new life.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is thank you to everyone I've met since I arrived and have welcomed me into their lives so generously - I appreciate it more than I can possibly articulate!

What Do You Do?

I have good and bad news.

The bad news is my pants (or trousers, as the natives insist I call them) no longer fit me.

The good news is that the reason they no longer fit me is because I've lost around 5kgs in the last month and a half - and that included my trip to Italy!

Part of it is from improving my nutrition, I've been pretty good lately about saying no to bad things, but the biggest change has come from the regular visits to the gym. Five times a week, in fact! Most of that time has just been undirected cardio work, but last week I was introduced to interval training which, I'm assured, will make a massive difference in a far shorter time. We'll see...

That's not all I've been doing, of course. Since arriving back a couple of weeks ago I've been to Birmingham for a fantastic night of music, courtesy of vile evils, EMF and Carter USM - followed by another night of EMF and Carter USM in Brixton the next night. This coming weekend is the final gig of the year, this time featuring a fully reunited Ned's Atomic Dustbin and vile evils again.

I also went to see Avenue Q with Lee, Margaret, Ben and a handful of other people. If you can imagine Sesame Street grown up, you can picture what it was like - and I enjoyed it immensely. Although the sex scene between the puppets was funny as hell, it wasn't quite a shock after seeing something similar in Team America. The songs were hilarious and quite catchy, the best one probably being 'The Internet Is For Porn', which I've added below:



Beyond that, life has gone back to normal. Not for long, though - David and I have decided we're going to find a new place to live. I'm a little tired of being stuck in a tiny single bedroom, where you can't even let a pin drop lest the woman who lives downstairs comes banging on the door to yell at us to keep the noise down. This makes it especially difficult when I want to play my guitars.

Until then, it's back to work...

Rome in Record Time

Rushing out the door as quickly as possible, I stopped by the train station to store my bags before jumping on the Metro again for the Colosseum. Despite having arrived early, I was advised not to go straight in and instead head to the Forum first. With barely a soul in sight, I was able to walk right in and, better yet, buying a ticket here allowed me to walk right into the Colosseum afterward.

Having thought about it for a while, it seems almost daft to try to explain what these places are like to visit. They're experiences, and I'm afraid I'm not a capable enough communicator to be able to adequately express what it was like to walk through these ancient areas. I'll see what I can do.

Part of it is humbling, realising that what used to be just plain life for the people who used to live here has now become a historic attraction for myself and the many others. It's easy to let your imagination take you away and see how life might have been back then, but then again I never took ancient history in high school so my frame of reference tends to be movies - which are always horrendously historically inaccurate.

Having seen the Colosseum the night before, it wasn't as big a moment to walk out and have it there in front of me. Not to distill its impressiveness, but it looked very cool with the lights on it. As I only had a short amount of time before having to leave to get my flight, I opted for a guided tour which showed off the highlights as well as giving a very interesting history lesson.

Although I still felt as though I could have twice as long at both places I'd been, my watch reminded me I had a plane to catch and I reluctantly made my way back to the train station. I'm pleased to say there were no incidents on the way to my flight, arriving in plenty of time to check in and, with no delays, touching down in London at 6.15pm.

Looking back, I regret trying to cram too much into such a short amount of time. I made this mistake in Japan, but at the time I didn't really know better – this time, I realised it would've been too much but did it anyway! Despite this, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire trip (well, except for the train strike – but what can you do?) and feel as though I've been given a good taste of Italy. Next time, I won't make the same mistakes!

Walk - As Fast As You Can

Walking out of the hostel this morning, I was greeted with a gorgeous blue sky and a nice warm morning – a wonderful parting gift from a city I have every intention of visiting again at a future date to further unlock its secrets.

With Florence behind me, I sat back in my seat and watched Italy pass by. Not that I ever doubted it, but this morning was a non-stop ride of gorgeous scenery, every moment surpassing the last. From the exquisite emerald hills, the cliff-side towns and other jaw-dropping sights, I once again felt reluctant to have to leave so soon after such a fleeting visit.

However, I still had one last destination to explore and, as the train rolled in to the station by 1pm, I made my way to the hostel as rapidly as my legs could carry me so as not to waste a minute.

When I originally decided to come to Italy, it started as a simple jaunt to visit my friend who I haven't seen in six months. Realising a weekend could easily turn into a week, I began adding places to visit which lead to my current itinerary. As I was starting in Milan, I figured I should work my way south and leave from Rome – although this violated my first rule of travel: leave enough time to see everything comfortably.

With only one night in Rome, leaving me barely two half-days to see the sights, a thought occurred: next time I come to Italy, I'll just have to start from Rome and see the rest then! Problem solved. Having explained all of this to the guy at the hostel, his eyes bulged and he immediately grabbed a map and planned out the optimal route for my remaining time.

The first part of the plan involved catching a bus to the other side of the city to see the Vatican (and its museum). Amazingly enough, as I hopped on the bus I noticed a familiar face, a girl I'd met at the hostel in Venice! She had just arrived in Rome herself, from Florence as well, and was on her way to where she was staying. Somewhat amazed by this coincidence, I bid her farewell and continued on to my destination.

I'll keep my thoughts on organised religion to myself for now (besides, I'm sure I've covered it elsewhere) – but it did occur to me, as I began walking toward the Vatican, that it's pretty easy to see where all of that money goes. It's a very nice looking building, as is the surrounding area, but this still didn't make me want to see inside right now. For starters, the queue was massive and I didn't have enough time spare to wait around.

Instead, I walked around the corner and up the hill to the Vatican Museum and, despite there being no queue here, I decided to save it for another time as well for two reasons: the first being its size, I'd been told to give it at least three hours; next, I just couldn't justify the 14 Euro entry fee!

Following the river a little further I arrived at Castel Sant' Angelo – which I found far more rewarding. As the name suggests, it's a castle now acting as a museum, but it also boasts a rooftop terrace that offers a stunning view of the entire city. Thoroughly enjoying scaling its walls and exploring the different rooms, each with its own artworks and decorations, I was a little disappointed that I had to leave so soon.

Passing over the river via Ponte Sant' Angelo, my next stop was the Piazza Navona – or so I hoped. Instead, I decided to follow a few different interesting looking backstreets to see where they'd lead me. As it turns out, they lead me right back to where I'd started so, after a little bit of backtracking, I went back to the directions laid out by the map and found where I meant to be heading.

As far as Piazzas go this one was even busier than usual, filled with artists offering their wares and services, wonderful architecture (and a splendid statue in the midst of restoration), various street performers and, as to be expected, loads of gelati and pizza shops!

Taking a little bit of time to properly appreciate the area, it was soon time to move on to the next part of my journey – the Pantheon. With darkness rapidly approaching, I made my way inside to take a look, however only moments after I'd made it inside an announcement came over the loudspeaker that visiting hours were now over and we were to make our way out. Made it just in the nick of time!

With the next stop a little bit further away, I was able to take in a bit more of the city's streets. Bustling with activity, unsurprising for a Saturday night, they eventually made way for Fontana di Trevi, a gorgeous and huge fountain that was also bustling with activity. With the night almost upon us, I decided to take a seat in front of it in order to really appreciate this marvel in the heart of the city.

Having appreciated it as much as I felt was required, I wandered off in search of my next stop: Trinita dei Monti, another church, this time dominated by Spanish steps that scale to Piazza di Spagna. At the top was another wonderful view of the city, so I took the opportunity to play with my camera a bit to take some night photos and watch the people go by.

Nearing the end of my whirlwind tour, I walked a little further to find another fountain, Fontana del Tritone, before rounding off my trip to visit to the Piazza della Repubblica. Consulting my map, it turns out I'd walked from one side of the city, zig-zagging across to the other, explaining why I felt completely knackered!

Back at the hostel, I took a break for a little while to rest, as well as prepare for my last day in Italy. While I was chatting to one of my roommates, he mentioned he'd taken some photos of the Colosseum at night and insisted it was a sight not to be missed so, putting my shoes and jacket back on, I headed off to catch the Metro down there!

Tomorrow is my last day and I've already set my alarm for early o'clock. There's still quite a bit left to see and only a very short amount of time to do it, but at least I can come back and see what I missed later on – and, from a quick scan of my map, it looks like I've missed a lot of stuff!

A Matter of Perspective

With only one day left to see Florence, I realised I was never going to see everything there was to see today. With my morning already taken care of, I discovered there was a bus tour that goes around the main sights of the city. Figuring this being my best option, I noted where it was leaving from and hurried off for my morning date.

I entered the museum this morning to see Michaelangelo's David, possibly one of the most famous sculptures in history. Naturally, I've already seen pictures of it so I knew what to expect, but there's a difference between knowing what to expect and actually seeing something for yourself.

Taking in the rest of the art on display, I slowly made my way around the museum until I noticed a sign on the wall pointing to where David was stationed. Once again, like the Tower of Pisa yesterday, it's really not something you can miss. Turning the corner, I looked up and bam, there he was at the end of the corridor.

Rather than rush down immediately, I took my time to appreciate the other carvings and paintings adorning the walls until I was face to toe with the man himself. What I wasn't prepared for, and it's something that the pictures don't give a clear indication of (yet another reason why it's an amazing experience to see things things for myself) is just how huge this statue is! For some reason, I was expecting it to be roughly the same size as a person – how wrong I was.

Even from the back of the room you could tell David was a giant, amusing considering what he's just about to hurl a rock at. At a guess, he looked around 15 feet of chiseled perfection (and, with no fig leaf, he looked about... oh come on, like I'm going to spoil the surprise!). It truly is a magnificent sculpture and, like the best art, offers new interpretations depending on your perspective.

For example, while I was standing to his right I overheard someone mention the look on his face appears to change depending which side you stand on. From my perspective, he seemed ready and determined, eyes steeled ready for his big moment. Moving to the other side, however, his reaction appeared to be almost wariness, a realisation of what's about to come and whether he's made a terribly smart decision.

I'm not entirely sure I was actually looking at the real thing, though. There are two versions that are on display at alternate times, the real one and a copy. Apparently, you can tell the real one as its toes were damaged by a visitor in 1991 and every now and then they swap them in order to keep the real one in perfect condition. Even though the damage was repaired, I'd read you can still see where the fix was made. I didn't notice anything during my inspection, but to be honest it doesn't matter a great deal to me – either way, it was a spectacular start to my morning.

After taking in more of the gallery, including a collection of musical instruments dating back hundreds of years, I made my way outside to find where the bus was leaving. Walking for about 20 minutes, I eventually discovered it was almost exactly at the doorstop of the museum I'd just been at!

Hopping on board, I took the chance to relax a bit and see the sights from the top of a double-decker bus. Winding through the streets into areas I'd not managed to make it to yet, a further appreciation for this beautiful city began to unfold before my very eyes. High on my list of places to visit was the Piazzale Michelangelo that promised an unbeatable panoramic view of the entire city – and, as has been happening a lot recently, lived entirely up to its promise.

After riding the bus for a while I decided to hop off at the Ponte Vecchio, one of the four main bridges that crosses the river – and the only one that survived bombing during WWII. Further walking found me back in the Palazzo Vecchio that I'd stumbled upon the other day and, as luck would have it, was exactly where I wanted to be as it was the location of Galleria degli Uffizi, one of the world's most famous art museums.

Again, rather than the long queues I'd be warned about, I was able to walk right inside and start admiring the masterpieces immediately. Probably the most famous piece on exhibit is Botticelli's The Birth of Venus, but also the massive collection were pieces by Da Vinci, Carravaggio and dozens of other talented Renaissance artists.

Now, here's a bit of trivia for you: did you know there are over 100 documented cases of people experiencing dizziness and fainting from viewing the art at the Uffizi? It's true, it's called Stendahl Syndrome and while I can't claim to have suffered it myself, I can claim that the cumulative effect of everything I've done so far this week has started to take its toll. Having walked through the gallery for almost two hours, my body was ready to collapse from exhaustion.

Rather than admit defeat, though, I decided to take another two hour stroll around the city to take in the street-level sights one last time before I move on to the next, and final, destination of my trip: Rome.